51 lines
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6.2 KiB
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51 lines
No EOL
6.2 KiB
Markdown
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layout: 2col
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title: "my relationship with coffee"
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date: 2024-10-18
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tags: girlblogging
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show_blog_footer: true
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---
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this week, my good friend [lucidiot](https://lucidiot.wordpress.com/2024/10/16/my-beverage-my-beverage-and-me/) and I decided we'd both blog about coffee, so this is my contribution! >w<
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when I was a small child, I idolized my dad. I remember seeing him drinking coffee out of his cool IT guy mugs each morning and associating the smell of brewing coffee with him and wanting to emulate that, so when I was in third grade, one morning at breakfast, I asked him if I could have a cup of coffee.
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I remember my mom being like >:T "idk if that's a good idea" and my dad being delighted and making me a cup in an old flintstones glass mug we had from mcdonald's (this was back when fast food restaurants in the USA did fancy movie tie-ins like this) and filling it about half-full with coffee, topping it off with water, and handing it to me for me to try.
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I remember scrunching my nose at how bitter it was, but it had a pleasant flavor, and I think I likely put on a brave face out of wanting to be accepted. 
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He asked me if I wanted cream or sugar and I think I just asked him to fix it for me like he did his and so he doctored it to his liking and handed it back to me.
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Needless to say, this became somewhat of a morning ritual from then on, but only when he was home. Mom wouldn't let me have coffee on my own. 
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That began a lifelong interest and enjoyment of coffee, as it was something I always associated with my dad growing up, and I really admired him as a small child, thinking he was so cool and smart, and really wanted to be just like him when I grew up (thankfully that did not end up the case, but that's neither here nor there ).
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Years later, one of the first jobs I ever had was at the campus coffee shop during my first year of university. It was some of my first exposure to espresso, lattes, and the like, and I was *addicted*.
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Some time after that, I found myself managing a small coffee shop in my city, and I got *really* into it. I set to learning as much as I could about coffee beans, how and where they were grown, and what constituted "good" coffee; I became fascinated by the various types and styles of espresso machine, how to froth the perfect milk, etc. I crafted most of the menu at that shop myself, and it was a massive point of pride, even though I was being taken advantage of for my extreme enthusiasm (by being paid much less than your average shop manager - about 0.50 USD more than minimum wage at that time).
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I got involved in the selection process, tasting coffee from vendors, determining what blends we'd use in the shop, crafting new latte flavors and other, non-coffee fare we also provided. I helped determine what pastries we'd source from a local bakery to sell at the shop, and I felt like I really belonged there.
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It was my dream, at that time, to own a small bakery/coffee shop and to bake all of our goods in-house and provide a small amount of espresso beverages and other refreshments, and I found out about a year into working there that the shop owners wanted me to agree to buy the business from them.
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Unfortunately, the shop had been losing money since before the current owners had come into it, and I was a poor university dropout with no capital of my own, so that was simply not an option. When I told them this, the shop abruptly closed down within a month or so, and I found myself without work for the first time since I had moved out of my parent's house.
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Things ended up okay, I moved in with my then-boyfriend whom I married a few years later, but it was a very stressful time. I never lost sight of that dream of owning and operating a small bakery/coffee shop and even ran one in Final Fantasy XIV as a venue in my spare time to try and recapture some of those days.
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These days, nearly 20 years later, I have allowed that dream to die, much like my hopes of ever owning a home in the current economic climate. I was not born to wealthy parents, nor was my partner, and with my myriad illnesses, I know that I wouldn't truly be able to run a shop like that anyway without having to trust other people much more than I am comfortable with; not to mention the startup cost!
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Anyway, these days, I still enjoy a nice cup of coffee, usually at least once daily, sometimes multiple times a day. I've since swapped my regular coffee for decaf and primarily drink instant coffee out of convenience, but I still own a french press and know how to do a pour-over from my short time at Starbucks (a place I spent about six months working at following the closure of the small local shop I mentioned before).
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I still stop for coffee when I'm out as a treat for doing difficult things, like going to the doctor or meeting with my therapist, as a tiny motivator for leaving the comfortable walls of my apartment; I find it helps with any negative experience I may have while away from home and reframes my experience as something positive, thus making these excursions easier to repeat in the future.
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My go-to these days is usually a decaf instant coffee with a tiny bit of honey and some oatmilk to take away some of the acidity if I'm at home, or an iced latte with brown sugar and oatmilk if I'm visiting a shop.
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What is your favorite coffee or coffee-adjacent drink? What sorts of memories do you associate with drinking coffee?
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For me, I am always taken back to that morning at 8 years old asking for my own cup and sipping it at the kitchen table with my dad, even if only for a moment. I am reminded of my great-grandmother's home during the holidays and the scent of chicory coffee brewing on the stovetop; I am reminded of the smells of my paternal grandparents' home and the smell of microwaved breakfast sandwiches, my aunt cooking eggs and sausage on the stove, and the smell of a fresh pot of folgers brewing in the kitchen while I'd sleepily pick at my food.
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I hope your next cup is comforting and drinkable. 
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<div style="text-align: center">
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<i>*pours you a fresh cup of cofe*</i> <br>
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<a href="https://www.deviantart.com/koopix/art/Hot-brew-703117740"><img src="/img/emoji/koopix_hotbrew.gif" alt="hot brew by koopix on deviantart"></a>
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</div> |