Blog post: 📖 The problem of seeing systems

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2025-01-27 09:17:16 +01:00 · 2025-01-27 09:14:54 +01:00
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    <a href="blog.html">>Blog<</a>
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+<pre><a href="blog/2025-01-27.html">2025-01-27 - 📖 The problem of seeing systems - By Will</a>
 <pre><a href="blog/2025-01-27.html">2025-01-27 Test post please ignore</a>
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+<pre>Things like an RSS feed is coming at some point</pre>
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    <a href="../people.html">>Headmates<</a>
    <a href="../blog.html">>Blog<</a>
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-    <h1>Placeholder blog post</h1>
+<h1>📖 The problem of seeing systems</h1>
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+<p>Written by: <a href="../people/will.html">📖 Will (he/him)</a></p>
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 <p>This is me rewriting and expanding on a fedi post by Violet that was inspired by something I said out loud at some point. So we have really come full circle here.</p>
 <p>We feel incredibly off participating in certain communities and talking with certain people sometimes, and I think we have managed to somewhat pinpoint the problem, or at least one of them. And I suspect that this same issue isn't something unique to us so is probably worth talking about.</p>
 <h2>With that preamble over.</h2>
 <p>Most people we talk to these days at least make an attempt to use our individual names and pronouns, with some exceptions. Which is lovely and I would say it is appreciated, but it is honestly a requirement and not something I think I should be grateful for in the same way that trans people should not be grateful that people use the right names and pronouns, that should just be considered baseline manners.
 But that is a digression.</p>
 <p>No even when people on the surface acknowledge our plurality and individuality as headmates we are a lot of the time still left with the feeling that the people we are talking to don't actually really try beyond the surface level things.
 People use the right names, but for example I have experienced switching in partially middle of conversation and try to reorient myself slightly to figure out what is being talked about.
 And people very rarely actually put any sort of effort into helping the newly fronting person do this, even when directly asked.</p>
 <p>Most of the time I have tried to ask for a quick summary of the conversation so I can join in I get absolutely nothing, I just get ignored.
 Usually in my experience when I have gotten a summary is that what you get is a fairly useless summary, maybe of the last few things that were said but entirely lacking in anything actually useful.
 Very often followed up by talking to the new person who just entered the conversation as if they were the same person that was there earlier.</p>
 <h2>Which is a perfect transition over to another part of this.</h2> 
 <p><s>Almost like this has been refined a bit at this point.</s></p>
 <p>Most of the people in our life get to know the first person they talk to, then apply those personality traits and interests to everyone else. <br> 
 So if the first person someone talks to is Luce, they might assume that everyone else in the system is incredibly into tech and politics, and that everyone really likes to talk.</p>
 <p>Then they meet someone like Rose who would rather run into the woods and never touch a computer if she had the choice, and who is so introverted and shy that she still very rarely says a word when she is fronting if there is more than three people in the room. This leads to a sort of incongruence which feels incredibly bad from Rose's perspective in this example.</p>
 <p>Several of us have actually likened it to some sort of personality dysphoria, because it feels incredibly bad to have the people you are talking to just in practice just entirely misremember who you are and do things like ask you about things that you do not care or know about.
 <p>With the specific example provided here there is also another issue.<br>
 For anyone that knows Luce, or several of the others, it is a known fact that you need to interrupt them if you want to get a word in the conversation as they entirely lack the ability to shut up. But if you take the same attitude with you and talk to Rose she is never going to say a single word as she just stops trying to talk if the space she is trying to occupy in a conversation gets stepped on.
 You can probably imagine how much it sucks to be her in this sort of scenario never getting a single word in because people are too used to talking to more talkative people.
 Most of you reading this have probably been interrupted by someone in your life.</p>
 <p>This doesn't mean that there are not some things we all share, but it is a lot less than a lot of people seem to think.
 It also does not mean that people can't talk about us as a collective. There are ways of doing so which isn't a problem.
 It also does not mean that people need to memorize everyone in our system and everything about them first time we meet, we don't even really expect people to remember a name from a single conversation, so we are definitely not expecting people to just be able to memorise 10+ of them.
 This is also not to say that you can't take treating us as entirely separate too far, but going into all of the potential ways you could cock that up is a bit off topic for this. But I may write something about that too at some point. Though it is not nearly as common of an issue as this so it is far from a priority.<br>
 This is also not just a singlet issue, other systems we have known have also contributed to the situations that made me write this.</p>
 <h2>As a sort of conclusion.</h2>
 <p>We are all very drastically different people. This also includes people like Violet and Luce that may seem similar on the surface. They are still very different as people even though they talk in a very similar manner.
 If we are to feel comfortable having someone in our life, or to feel seen in a community, people need to be able to look past the structure of our face and see what is actually underneath it. People need to actually make an effort to get to know the person in front of them, not the random skinsuit they happen to inhabit.
 The body is not the person, and if we didn't happen to be sharing a body some of us would seem so different from the others that most would not assume any sort of relation between us.
 We don't expect everyone in our life to be perfect at this. But we do expect people to try to make an attempt if they want us around.</p>
 <p>Not even attempting is something I consider just plain dehumanising.</p>
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Author	SHA1	Message	Date
grdnsys	0b811da739	Blog post: 📖 The problem of seeing systems	2025-01-27 09:17:16 +01:00
grdnsys	ed511a455f	Add the blog button to all pages	2025-01-27 09:14:54 +01:00